So here’s how it is, at 23, I have yet another grey hair. This time it’s on my good side that being the side that previously had no grey hair. Meanwhile Mischa Barton, born in 1986, has bought her third house. While she’s investing in property, I’m investing in Nice ‘N’ Easy, auburn. Alexandra Adornetto proves my point even further. The 14-year-old Melbourne schoolgirl recently signed a two-book deal with HarperCollins. The Shadow Thief is due out next year, about the time my whole head of hair will be grey. Ladies and gentlemen throw me another bottle of your finest hair dye because I am facing my quarterlife crisis.
I can actually pinpoint the moment I knew something wasn’t quite right. A teenage shop assistant referred to my age as ‘interesting’. She may have even added, “ma’am”. In a matter of seconds, I went from rebel to relic. What followed was the early onset of Alzheimer’s. I blame it on an increase in stress, caused from lack of a career. Secondly, there was flirting with the idea of becoming an ‘Emu’ as one last attempt at being hip and young. I now realise the proper lingo is ‘Emo’. Finally, I had to buy a second pair of prescription glasses last week. This time they were upgraded. Double-strength.
It wasn’t long ago that my generation were the promise of the future. Now there’s a new breed of 18-year-olds, known as the Billion Dollar Babies (BDBs), whose careers are on a spectacular rise. They leave me questioning what I have done with my life, how much time I have wasted and where the bloody hell did I leave my mobile phone this time?
A fellow quarterlife crisis casualty revealed one plan to combat these BDBs. Simon Chong, a 24-year-old disturbed and angry sufferer, plans to create a magazine dedicated solely to those born between 1976 and 1983. Calling it 1982, the year of his birth, he wants the magazine to speak to those who remember what life was like before the mobile phone (shocking and controversial), know who Fuzzy Bear is (BDBs, ask Mum or Dad) and to remind ourselves that life is fun and not just about career moves or publicity stunts.