In this modern day and age of androgynism there is little that can surprise me. I know young men of my age who invest in facial masks, waxing strips and those with the more rigorous grooming habits have been known to fork out for ghd hair-straighteners. So at a recent music festival, I was not surprised, whilst being jostled in a slow-moving entry line I saw men young and old – coifed straightened, manicured, plucked and pampered.
It must be noted that I am no elitist when it comes to fashion or style, but I was shocked to observe that this trend had exploded into a bewildering, previously unsuspected severity: men in ladies designer jeans. Just to clarify quickly, ladies designer jeans.
I’m not talking jeans that could very well be men’s jeans – albeit extremely tight fitting and slightly feminine. These were not men in jeans that have a men’s range not unlike their women’s (a range that is at times interchangeable): Lee, Levis and so on. Because I have, in fact encountered this phenomenon of boys wearing genderless jeans some years ago.
This new occurrence is different. Men, as plainly exhibited to me in the painful queue at Splendour in the Grass, are now taking a fully fledged foray into bona fide women’s-only wear, and although I tried my best not to gawk, there was no mistaking the tags on their skinny-fit denim reading Bettina Liano, Sass & Bide.
Once I could drag my gaze from them, an image formed within my head: a thin, well-groomed boy with no bottom to speak of in a high-end ladies boutique, squeezing himself into a pair of high-waisted Frayed Misfits. This image both frightened and intrigued me. Are they actually going out and buying these jeans? Or are their girlfriends, older sisters or – scarily, their mothers – suffering unexplained, periodic disappearance of their designer denim?
Finally, are the jeans for everyday wear, or do these young gentlemen save the jeans for special events, such as the inaugural music festival that I was queuing to attend?
It feels safe to assume that around the country, sisters and girlfriends alike are having their jeans hijacked. This theory pleases me. Admittedly, yes, it is amusing to imagine young men frantically rifling through sales tables in the David Jones ladies department alongside their mothers, wondering desperately why there are no bloody size nines left, but I would rather think that they are not buying these jeans for themselves. Jealously overcomes me. Why should boys get to wear great designer jeans that are currently out of my financial reach? Is there no fairness in this world? I can’t help but feel that they are taking jeans that may have been mine away from me.
There is another question raised by this gender-swapping business, quite simply, why?
As I have expressed earlier, I have no qualms about a well-groomed male, but perhaps with great coifing comes great damage to the brain? Perhaps, quite simply, these gentlemen do not know that they are wearing gender-specific jeans.
I consulted my younger brother – who is of the tight-jean persuasion – and he informed me that men’s jeans were not being manufactured to achieve the fit desired by younger men and they were therefore turning to their only other option. However, he could give no explanation as to why some of his comrades were opting for women-specific designers.
And while I have wasted hours speculating about this trend, I can offer no explanation of my own. All I can offer is: Too rich. Too stupid. Too vain. But perhaps next time you see a young man in sass & bide, his shirt fashionably untucked, hair lank from heat styling damage, you could ask him for me?